Paper armour – far more useful than a chocolate teapot.

With The Final Crusade of Vran Hychax campaign weekend fast approaching, I spent this weekend getting my Grey Knights painted and ready for action. Initially, I’d allocated all of three hours for the task – spray silver, wash, paint weapons, relax with mug of tea. That was of course before I found the damn Knights to be covered in all manner of extra details.  They’re festooned in purity seals and books, which, as you can see from the chap below*, require considerably more effort to paint.

Now, the purity seals are fairly self explanatory – they ward off daemons, psychic attacks and protect the Grey Knights from, you know, harm. Books, on the other hand, seem a little out of place. The Emperor’s champions are unlikely to stop and leaf through a quick chapter mid banishing. Perhaps they use them as notebooks, somewhere to chalk up their kills and record their exploits. Maybe the books contain a list of witty one-liners the Grey Knights can shout as they slay baddies. But what I think is really going on, is that they’ve watched way too many films where the hero inexplicably avoids death because the single round his arch nemesis fires at him, is stopped by a pesky book that’s nestled in his breast pocket or some other serendipitous location. The Grey Knights obviously plaster books all over themselves just in case their tactical dreadnought armour fails. Perhaps that’s why they get an invulnerable save.

Well, if it’s good enough for the Knights, then who am I to argue. In fact, a quick google for ‘books to block bullets’ revealed there are recommended volumes. This handy set even comes with a gun so you can be equally awesome on the offensive.

You’ll notice the book is rather thick, with a raft of pages and a sturdy leather cover. Kindles on the other hand are, as Amazon are found of telling us, super light and very thin.  Not what you’d want from a bullet-stopping totem. So the question is, with the humble book being pushed aside by eReaders, will more heroes bite the bullet? Yes. I believe they will**.

That said, books do have their limitations. Should your nemesis fire a plethora of bullets at you, say from a machine gun, then you’ve had it. Unless of course, someone’s helpfully stapled the entire library of Alexandria to you. Otherwise, you’ll need some magical powers or some wicked-mad hacking skills, like the smug guy in the shades below.

If you don’t find yourself possessed of pure awesome, then don’t worry. I have it on good authority that all you really need to do to ward of potentially lethal projectiles, is a knock out a load of crunches.

Just don’t tell the MoD or they’ll round off the cuts by swapping out flack jackets for early morning fitness routines.

*Note, model shown is not representative of my meagre efforts.

**There’s a very bad, Bond style plot in there somewhere. Dr e, working from his secret base in the Amazon… etc


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